


gay??? in my me??? it's likely

by itsobsessive



Category: Leah on the Offbeat - Becky Albertalli, Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fluff, Group chat, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Texting, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-22 14:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15584454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsobsessive/pseuds/itsobsessive
Summary: Simon changed the group name to gay fucksgay fucks, Tues, 8:22PMNick: im not gayLeah: yetNick: what(In which a groupchat is made, some things are said, and Nick is Not Gay)





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> rated teen and up for underage drinking and language.   
> enjoy part 1 of this self indulgent piece of trash (also idk what this title is ok i couldn't think of anything and it's just so gay)

**_Simon created a group with Bram, Nick, Leah, Abby, Garrett, Nora, Cal, and Taylor._ **

**_Simon changed the group name to gay fucks_ **

**gay fucks, Tues, 8:22PM**

Nick: im not gay

Leah: yet

Nick: what

_**Leah changed their name to biburke** _

biburke: perfect

Abby: A little boring but ok

biburke: ????? i thought you LOVED me

_**Abby changed biburke’s name to abbysgf** _

Simon: her only achievement

abbysgf: i mean….kinda

_**Simon changed abbysgf's name to leahonbeat** _

leahonbeat: i’ll take it

leahonbeat: anyway

leahonbeat: why is this chat a thing

Abby: ^^

Simon: because i love my friends???

leahonbeat: ???? since when

_**Simon changed their name to simonspears** _

simonspears: like britney spears but its me

Abby: I don’t even know how to respond to him at this point

Nick: what’s going on

Nick: where’s everyone else

simonspears: if no one else changes their name to something interesting i’m doing them all myself

_**Abby changed their name to abbabe** _

_**abbabe changed Nick’s name to notgay** _

notgay: ?????

abbabe: you said you weren’t

Bram: What is happening?

leahonbeat: omg simon he has proper grammar

Bram: Are you surprised?

leahonbeat: not really i’ve just never seen you type before

Bram: We’ve been friends for like a year.

leahonbeat: i barely even text simon

simonspears: thats true

abbabe: She texts me :)

leahonbeat: :)

simonspears: ew

notgay: WHAT IS GOING ON

Bram: ^^^

Nora: what did i miss

Cal: me too

leahonbeat: nothing substantial has happened whatsoever since this chat was created. you haven’t missed anything.

_**Nora changed their name to noruhh** _

_**noruhh changed Cal’s name to calculust** _

leahonbeat: nora what

notgay: i dont follow

Bram: Does that say calculust?

noruhh: CAL WILL GET IT

calculust: is that supposed to be a pun with my name and also a mean girl’s musical reference

noruhh: told u

leahonbeat: dear lord

Taylor: hi!!

leahonbeat: omg!! hi taylor!!!!!!!!!

Taylor: Do Not Mock Me

_**Taylor changed their name to taylorsings** _

taylorsings: :D

Garrett: huh

Bram: Hey, Garrett

Garrett: what

noruhh: why is garrett Like That

Garret: huh

-

**gay fucks, Wed, 7:16 PM**

simonspears: nora shut up

noruhh: ???

simonspears: i can hear you laughing through the damn wall

calculust: sorry i made her laugh

simonspears: cal are you at my house

calculust: ,,,,,,,no?

noruhh: scaredcal.jpg

noruhh: angrysimon.jpg

leahonbeat: confusedleah.jpg

Bram: Why is Cal at your house?

noruhh: we’re hanging out

Bram: Then why is Simon upset?

leahonbeat: because they’re hanging out

noruhh: wait no

noruhh: its n o t l i k e t h a t

Bram: Oh, worm?

leahonbeat: SIMON HE MEMES

simonspears: i am aware

_**Bram changed their name to abrahameme** _

simonspears: ive never been more proud

-

**gay fucks, Wed, 8:31 PM**

taylorsings: hey guys

notgay: hey

abbabe: Hiya

leahonbeat: sup

noruhh: ay

taylorsings: there’s a really pretty girl at starbucks and i’m feeling intimidated

leahonbeat: i promise you the random girl at starbucks is not trying to compete with you, taylor

taylorsings: but i think she is?? idk she keeps looking at me and i’m probably just being paranoid but it looks like she’s like. staring at me, and then texting someone about it

taylorsings: and she’s like. really pretty. like she has really cool clothes and shoulder length hair with bangs and she won’t stop looking at me and i’m like !!!! we get it you’re gorgeous!!

leahonbeat: oh you’re fucking kidding me

abbabe: Send a pic

leahonbeat: ^^

taylorsings: starbucksgirl.jpg

leahonbeat: first of all, she’s definitely taking a picture of you right as you took that

abbabe: Second of all, she’s gay

taylorsings: she wasn’t taking a picture of me omg

taylorsings: and i don’t think she’s gay

abbabe: She has a pride flag on her jacket

taylorsings: and?? nora has a pride pin on her backpack and she’s straight.

noruhh: lol

taylorsings: WAIT WHAT

simonspears: lol

taylorsings: nora likes girls???

noruhh: im right here bab

-

**taylorsings >>noruhh, Wed, 8:40 PM**

taylorsings: are you gay?

noruhh: sometimes your ignorance is almost laughable

taylorsings: rude

noruhh: i don’t define myself with a label but ive had girlfriends and a boyfriend before

taylorsings: okay, are you dating cal?

noruhh: no, cal’s crushing on someone else and so am i. we’re just friends

taylorsings: who do you have a crush on?

noruhh: have you no boundaries, woman

-

**gay fucks, Thurs, 1:53 PM**

simonspears: who wants waho after school

leahonbeat: me

abbabe: I’m down

abrahameme: I do!

calculust: i will

notgay: aight

taylorsings: i wanna come!!

noruhh: im in

notgay: garrett?

notgay: garrett

notgay: GARRETTTTTT

notgay: ima wait for garrett to answer

simonspears: does it smell weird in here to y’all

abrahameme: Yes, a little.

leahonbeat: what are you guys smelling??

notgay: what

notgay: this is a groupchat

abbabe: I smell it too ??

simonspears: smells kinda gay

notgay: I’M NOT GAY

leahonbeat: Y E T

abbabe: ASDLFJSKFKND

Garrett: WHAT’S GOING ON

-

**gay fucks, Fri 11:09 AM**

Garrett: two things

Garrett: 1, why don’t i have a cool name

Garrett: 2, why am i unable to speak to people

**abbabe changed Garrett’s name to laughin**

abbabe: like laughlin but laughing

abbabe: idk cause he's funny

notgay: boring

abbabe: do you have something better, coward?

notgay: jeez

simonspears: garrett wdym you can’t speak to people lmao

laughin: i ran into a cute sophomore and made him drop his drink and i couldn’t. say anything

laughin: it was a bottle so it didn’t spill but he just like. bent over and picked it up and i said. nothing.

leahonbeat: you’re truly a disaster

simonspears: leah you drew fanart of your crush for a year we’re all disasters

abbabe: i choked

notgay: wait a guy

laughin: yeah that sophomore jackson dean i think is his name

laughin: he’s so cute i wanna die

notgay: i didn’t know you liked guys????

abbabe: does nick is confuse

laughin: i mean i dont knoW i just thought he was cUTE

laughin: STOP QUESTIONING ME EISNER

notgay: I’M NOT TRYING TO

abbabe: AHHHHHHH

taylorsings: are you guys ok

noruhh: probably not

-

**gay fucks, Fri 2:45 PM**

simonspears: PARTY AT MY HOUSE TONIGHT BITCHES

simonspears: BE THERE OR BE A FUCKIN LOSER LOL

noruhh: simon that’s my house too

simonspears: SUCK MY DICK NORA

noruhh: please i just wanna see my wife again

leahonbeat: im coming fuckers!!

abbabe: i’ll come if there’s a room i can drag leah to :)

leahonbeat: :o

simonspears: we have a root cellar, bitch

abbabe: works for me

taylorsings: i’m in!!!

calculust: me too

laughin: wassup im there

abrahameme: Obviously, I’m coming

notgay: i can come but i’d need a ride, my sister has the car

laughin: i can take you bro

notgay: lit

simonspears: there’s that smell again

laughin: what

-

**gay fucks, Fri 8:13 PM**

simonspears: leahburke.jpg

simonspears: she just got here guys look how cute my best friend is

abbabe: look how cute my girlfriend is!

leahonbeat: i don’t deserve this love

simonspears: YES U DO BICH

simonspears: bramgreenfeld.jpg

simonspears: HE JUST GOT HERE LOOK HOW CUTE MY BOYFRIEND IS

noruhh: that’s gay

calculust: isn’t that kind of the point

simonspears: ^^

leahonbeat: they’re literally already making out this is exhausting

abbabe: i’m heading out rn, be there in like 25

leahonbeat: :D

noruhh: jesus

taylorsings: hi im here

leahonbeat: coming

noruhh: no i’ll get it

leahonbeat: …..okay

leahonbeat: are you guys gonna come downstairs?

noruhh: are they still making out

leahonbeat: no just cuddling

noruhh: then no we are not

leahonbeat: gay

abbabe: i’m like 4 mins away

leahonbeat: i’m gonna wait for you outside

simonspears: where’d everyone go

-

**gay fucks, Fri 9:45 PM**

laughin: im durnk

notgay: d u r n k

laughin: fuck off einser

notgay: E I N S E R

abrahameme: You two are sitting right next to each other, why are you texting?

notgay: this is what teenz do, bramthony

abbabe: worm?

leahonbeat: guys

leahonbeat: where’s cal?

noruhh: he left cause a cute boy invited him over

taylorsings: dawson?

noruhh: yeah. dw, he didn’t drink before he left

simonspears: damn. get it, price

taylorsings: is everyone in love but me

noruhh: there are 3 other single people in the same room as you, taylor

abbabe: nora takes no prisoners

noruhh: nora takes no shit

taylorsings: I’M SORRY

abrahameme: I want more wine.

laughin: HELL YEA SHOTSS

leahonbeat: ……...of wine?

-

**gay fucks, Sat 1:53 AM**

leahonbeat: i’m texting bc abby is asleep and i don’t want to wake her but we’re gonna get an uber

leahonbeat: she's not concious so like maybe she shouldnt drive

simonspears: okk, my parents aren’t home until like 5 tmrw so yall can get your cars then

simonspears: plz no one drive

notgay: i don’t feel like going home

laughin: me either bruh

simonspears: blankets are in the closet on the left of the upstairs bathroom, take the couch you 2

notgay: like together?

simonspears: man just say no homo and cuddle with garrett i dont feel like dealing with this rn

laughin: dont worry eisner i wont do anything gay if you don’t want me to

noruhh: iF yOu dOnT wAnT mE tO

laughin: consent is cool, kids

taylorsings: preach

noruhh: taylor’s gonna sleep in my room

leahonbeat: oh, is she?

noruhh: yes, leah, she is. mind your words before i knock your teeth out

leahonbeat: I Said Nothing

noruhh: And You Will Not

taylorsings: what’s going on

laughin: lol u sound like me

notgay: goodnight homos

leahonbeat: goodnight homo

notgay: i’m noT GAY

laughin: yet

leahonbeat: DDFKBVFJVBKDB


	2. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! thanks for all the love on the first chapter :'))) i didn't know if ppl were actually gonna like this so it helped me a lot <33  
> this one is shorter but you get some nice Soft Content that i hope makes up for it

**gay fucks, Sat 11:18 AM**

abbabe: i think im dead

leahonbeat: mood

notgay: mood

noruhh: mood

simonspears: mood

laughin: mood

taylorsings: mood

calculust: mood

abbabe: ahh, the wafting smell of teens

notgay: teens smell like vomit and social anxiety

noruhh: tru

leahonbeat: i’m going for a hungover waffle, who’s in

taylorsings: me, i want some fucking hashbrowns

noruhh: TAYLOR SINCE WHEN DO YOU SWEAR

taylorsings: since today, i guess

abbabe: i’m in, meet there in 30?

notgay: chill

laughin: im in

simonspears: love yall but bram and i aren’t coming

leahonbeat: wow. that’s fine. priorities, i guess

simonspears: IM SORRYYYYY

leahonbeat: whatever go suck brams dick

calculust: that’s gay

-

**gay fucks, Sat 12:48 PM**

abbabe: leah fell asleep in the corner of the booth and my heart is soaring

noruhh: she looks so cute

noruhh: abby if she wasnt dating you i would be falling in love rn

taylorsings: same tbh

noruhh: FNKVKDN

simonspears: SEND PICS

abbabe: sleepy.jpg

simonspears: im

simonspears: that is the purest thing. i have ever seen

notgay: the waitress cooed over this 18 year old woman

notgay: that’s how precious leah burke is

abrahameme: Tell her she looks adorable when she wakes up.

laughin: i might fall asleep too, ngl

notgay: i have 2 soccer thighs here for a pillow, my man

noruhh: aww nick that’s the least ‘no homo’ thing you’ve ever said

abbabe: nick and garrett woke up cuddling today, i think we’re past the point of no homo

noruhh: i love my dads

notgay: shut up i’m still not gay

simonspears: do we have pics of nick’s leg pillows

taylorsings: oh yeah, garrett totally fell asleep

taylorsings: babies.jpg

simonspears: WOW MY HEART

abbabe: nick put his phone down to play with garrett’s hair can you believe my heart is exploding

simonspears: VIDEO???

abbabe: inlove.mov

noruhh: i might cry tbh

taylorsings: i am crying tbh

calculust: wait i missed all this whats going on

abbabe: go back and read everything!!!

calculust: ok brb

calculust: :’)))) pure

abbabe: leah’s waking up

noruhh: LEMME GET A VID HOLD ON

noruhh: babywakesup.mov

calculust: that is the sweetest thing i have ever seen

simonspears: the way she immediately leans toward abby and kisses her cheek!!! The Best

abbabe: i’m so in love with this girl

noruhh: i feel god in this waffle house tonight

simonspears: taylor and nora need to cuddle and maximize the Soft

abbabe: …

abbabe: they listened

abbabe: nora leant her head on taylors shoulder

ababe: this is the softest trip to waffle house i’ve ever had

noruhh: is this what contentment feels like?

notgay: yeah, it is.

simonspears: my eyes are sweating

-

**gay fucks, Sat 3:01 PM**

abrahameme: Do you guys wanna hang out tonight? Maybe no drinking this time

calculust: yeah i’m in

noruhh: its probably gonna be at my house so sure

leahonbeat: def

abbabe: ^^

simonspears: come on over bitches, all is welcome

notgay: we’re in

taylorsings: i’m coming!!

noruhh: the whole gang’s back together again :’))

leahonbeat: the whole gang was together last night but go off i guess

abbabe: u love it

leahonbeat: …..mayhaps

abrahameme: We should do a movie night! I feel like popcorn and cuddling, y’all.

simonspears: PLEASE

noruhh: im soft again

calculust: im here!! simon lives like 3 mins away from me

calculust: what are we watching

taylorsings: i vote a horror movie

noruhh: i didnt know you liked horror movies?

noruhh: you wear pink headbands and oxfords on a daily basis, this doesnt make sense

taylorsings: i guess there's a lot you don't know about me.

noruhh: i guess there is.

leahonbeat: …

leahonbeat: lmao y'all this some gay shit

noruhh: WATCH IT BURKE

leahonbeat: ;)

-

**gay fucks, Sat 4:45 PM**

simonspears: is everyone here?

noruhh: do you not know your whole friend group, simon

simonspears: shut up

noruhh: everyone's here

noruhh: and we're in the same room, so there's absolutely no need to text

calculust: who would talk to people when you can text them :))))

noruhh: i hate teenagers

laughin: who's gonna cuddle with my ass

notgay: me, obviously

notgay: no homo

abrahameme: Must you say that?

laughin: it makes him feel better

leahonbeat: abby come here binch

abbabe: cuties.jpg

taylorsings: we watched you take that picture but its still cute

noruhh: do i get a cuddle buddy :(

taylorsings: ILL B YOUR CUDDLE BUDDY !!!

leahonbeat: aw!!! gay

noruhh: STOP IT

calculust: taylors blushing sjdnfjsnkd

taylorsings: AM NOT

noruhh: :3

calculust: did y'all really leave me here alone with no one to cuddle with during a horror movie??? this is biphobia

noruhh: IM SORRY CALVIN

abrahameme: Oops?

laughin: cuddle yourself, price

calculust: cowards

simonspears: aight im putting the movie in

simonspears: lmao this shit lowkey scary tho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 things:  
> 1\. do yall think i should add some standard format into this story?? like should it be just texting or texting + narration and dialogue??  
> 2\. is it weird when i respond to every comment lol

**Author's Note:**

> comment suggestions for future chapters!! :)


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